Because precarity surrounds me, but i am in a position of privilege, i feel i have no choice but to do more and take on more. i won’t ask my RAs or TAs to do anything they are not paid for as that would be unethical — but the work still needs to be done, so I do it myself. i do it unpaid, in my ‘own’ time on weekends and at night. i suppress fits of spitting anger when i discover the way that colleagues readily exploit others —– like not paying tutors to deliver their lectures. i feel tired and angry most of the time but can’t complain because at least i own my job. not everyone is so lucky. but i can feel the hordes (younger, smarter, quicker, more compliant, hungrier than me) that are ready to take to my place (for less) if I say no or am too difficult. this isn’t a good situation for me or for them. but i won’t see them as enemies or competition. they are colleagues who don’t have my opportunities and i fear for their future.

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